Training Weekend Insights

We just came back from our training weekend down at Lake San Antonio, site of the the race I am doing (Wildflower). It was a great weekend, despite some rain and camping mishaps. This is the 6th time I've been down there (3 training weekend and 3 race events) and each time I learn a bit more about the area and about myself.

So here we go (insert fanfare, but only a small one, 'cause these aren't exactly Earth shattering):

1. Wild Boar: I've always known there were wild boar on the land down there. You have to take some precaution with food and camping. It never occurred to me that you could HUNT for them! Chris has been looking for a place to go for awhile. One of my teammates stopped some hunters and asked them. Apparently it's just $2 for the day to hunt there. Mmmm mmm mmm.

2. Life is like a butterfly. On the way down there, I killed approximately 7,521 butterflies. There were yellow splotches a butterfly guts all over my windshield. There were at least a dozen of them plastered on my front license plate. When I took my bike off the rack, there about 7 full wings stuck in my bike pedals. On the way back, I didn't see any butterflies. Apparently, I killed them all on the way down. I actually felt really awful about the whole thing. I mean, they probably had just come out of their cocoons ready to great the wide world, and then SPLAT. But this TNT thing always make me think about the gift we have in our life and to be grateful for what we have. One of the honorees from another team spoke at one of our dinners. She battled Hodgkin's in her 20's and has been in remission for a while. But recently learned she was facing breast cancer, a common consequence of women treated for cancer in the 70's. She said to us, I am not angry at my doctors 30 years ago. I am not bitter. If breast cancers should get the better of me, I am still thankful for I have had a chance to live an amazing 30 years since my first treatment. So I am taking a lesson from the butterflies and from our teammate. Be thankful for the life that you have and make the very most of what you have right now.

3. Putting Self Doubt Aside. I went into this weekend, very worried and doubtful that I would be able to train at all, given my injuries and having missed so many training weekends. I had learned to stop beating myself up about that, and finally came to terms with the fact that I have had ALOT of stuff going on (bought a house, got married, moving, fundraising, training, mentoring, etc.) I am essentially overcommitted. So with that perspective in mind, I managed to put my self doubt aside and just "see what happens" with the training. I knew it was going to be a great weekend of fun, but didn't know how I would do. Turns out, I did just fine! The swim was fine. The bike was challenging, but completely doable. My butt was fine and I could even stand up on the hills without pain! The run was hard, but Molly and I did a little walk/run on the hills and got through the tough run just fine. I am realizing my self doubt often limits me in what I can do.

So there you have 3 insights of varying degrees of depth.

Never Satisfied

Excited, and terrified
Crystal blue water, and sharks.
Warm sun, and blazing hot, dehydrating heat.
Tip-top shape, and raging self-doubt
Soon it will be over, and soon it will be over.

Mission Moment

On Sunday right before we were about to start swimming in the Bay for our practice triathlon, one of our mentors told us that Frankie, the brother of one of our teammates, had passed away on Friday after a long battle with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. He was only 29. I looked around me and noticed many people wiping away tears.

I've never met Frankie, and I don't think any of those other folks had met him either. But losing him was like losing one of us. It's strange. I haven't quite sorted out all of nuances of the emotions I had in that moment. I felt hopeless, helpless, guilty, honored, angry, and sad. I felt terrible that I was enjoying the beautiful 80 degree day and that his sister wasn't here with us but preparing for a funeral. I felt determined to train more for him.

I remember the practice Tri we did last season. It was cold, windy, and pouring rain. I was miserable and frozen even before jumping into the bay. And as we waited to swim, some yelled out "Be thankful to be here." Now more than ever, I am thankful to be here, will take inspiration from Frankie's struggles, and am glad that I am able to do something, even if it's very small, to battle blood cancers for people who cannot.

Definitions of Fun

Yesterday we did our coached run workout in the Presidio. As one of our coaches mentioned, this is the time in the season when you start to get burnt out physically and emotionally. We have 2 weeks to peak training for Wildflower and 6 weeks for Maui. There's still a lot of work to be done.

So in order to keep us motivated, the coaches invented what they call a "fun game." Basically it involved splitting us into 5 teams and assigning us a color. Then we had to run a fairly steep but short hill circuit, followed by 20 sit-ups or 10 push-ups. As a "reward" we were given a peanut M&M in our assigned color, which we couldn't even eat. We had to carry it (and btw, it does melt in your hands when you're sweaty and running) while we did another hill loop. Then we dropped it in our team cup, proceeded to do another 20 sit-ups or 10 push-ups, and run another loop. Over and over and over and over. The team with the most M&M's "won."

So this ridiculous "game" got me to thinking about definitions of fun. I'd have to say the above game qualifies as NOT Fun. But over the last two years I do have to say my definitions of fun have shifted pretty radically.

OK, somethings will always be fun:

• napping
• eating cheese
• traveling in Italy
  

And something will never be fun:

• the dentist
• taxes
• jellyfish stings
• clowns (really and truly, what is so fun about them?!)

But here are some things that have sort of nudged their way into sort-of-kinda-fun-if-done-with-the right-attitude-and-some-friends-along-the-way:

• Swimming in Aquatic Park
• Riding my bike down a hill (going up doesn't yet qualify)
• Spending 4 months working out on Saturday and Sunday mornings
• Running 6 miles
• Wearing spandex
• Jello wrestling
  

Who knows what the rest of this Year of the Rat will hold in terms of fun!

Magpie Entertainment

During training weekend, one of my teammates, who is British, tells me about an English superstition about the Magpie bird. If you see one Magpie, it's considered back luck. If you see two, you'll have lots of joy. And then there's a clever rhyme about how you get exponential luck with each additional Mapgie you see. But it's the solo Magpie you have to watch out for. So to combat the impending doom, you have to say this:

"Good morning, Mr. Magpie. How is Mrs. Magpie this morning?"

We all find this lovely, charming, clever, and British, as we are sitting around the campfire. A Magpie lands near by, and Emma starts to say it, but then another Magpie comes along and blesses all with good luck. We all laugh at how silly she is to believe in the superstition.

That was all well and good around the campfire. But the next day, while I'm struggling on the bike ride, envisioning crashes, failing breaks and what not, I see a Magpie fly by. I quickly mutter the phrase. What's the harm?

But then, I see another one by itself about 5 minutes later. I say the phrase. And what do you think I see every freakin' 10 minutes thereafter?! That's right - a Magpie. Seriously, there are Magpies up and down the roads in these part of California. Probably the densest population of these birds in the U.S., maybe even anywhere. And these particular birds actually like to be loners. Or, they saw me coming and would fly out one by one to torture me. Not a pair in site. So for the next two hours I am basically chanting:

"Good morning, Mr. Magpie. How is Mrs. Magpie this morning?"

Of course, towards the end it turns in to:

"Hey Mr. Freakin' Magie. How's the stupid wife? And why don't you get a friend, you loser?"

Breakthroughs

While I'm training, I've got plenty of time to think. Miles of riding and running, which leads to quality mind-wandering time. (Swimming, on the other hand, tends to go something like this: 1 lap, 2 laps, 3 laps . . . oh I'm hungry . . . 2 laps, 3 laps, 4 laps. . . how long is this workout. . . 3 laps. . . oh wait. . . 4 laps? 2 laps. Crap.)

Lately, I've found myself beating myself up during this time, thinking I am lame for being so tired and not wanting to go to the track, or a pathetic loser for being the last one again in my bike group, doing sprints at Level 5 (i.e. run as fast as you can) and being lapped by people left and right. And having a fantastic athlete of a boyfriend only gives me more guests to invite to my own personal pity party. And the kicker of all kickers, I beat myself up for beating myself up. This, of course, is not unusual behavior for me.

But this week I had a couple of breakthroughs thanks to longer and longer training runs and rides.

1) It's okay to have a pity party. And I always do when something is really challenging for me -- training, work, backpacking, whatever it is. I always get really down and want to give up and usually cry. What I realized on my run today is that I always find my way out with clarity in hand. And I am pretty sure that I am not able to get there with feeling awful about myself for a short while. So, it's okay that I'm trudging through some tough training weeks right now, mentally (and physically). I'd love to say I'll come of of this with the answers to life. But more than likely I'll just come out of it one day and not even realize it. So that's that.

2) Use your glutes. Not quite as deep a breakthrough as the self-conscious blah blah blah. But seriously, engaging my glutes while biking has made all the difference in the world. That's not to say I can break 5mph climbing hills, but at least I can get up the hills feeling stronger!

3) Find balance. After 5 weeks of Physical Therapy, I learned that my body is out of whack. Years of spraining my left ankle and never fully rehabing it back to full strength has caused my right side to over compensate. My right leg muscles are significantly stronger and overworked. There's a metaphor for life in here, I'm sure. But in the mean time, I am spending a lot of time icing my right butt cheek.

Sunshine, Hunger, and Generosity

I've been incredibly focused on all of the training details lately-- with the bike fittings, my injury, the getting up extraordinarily early on weekend, and general adjustment to being super active again. I must admit that has taken quite a bit of emotional energy. There were moments when I wondered, yet again, why I signed up for this. It's not like I didn't remember how hard this was last season.

But this past weekend, I got three gentle reminders:

1. It was a stunningly beautiful weekend in San Francisco. Mid-60's, sunny. These are they days when I am so very thankful to no longer live in Boston or NYC. I mean, it is February, for god's sake. We ran along Ocean Beach (more on this fiasco later) watching the waves crash on the shore. We hung out with terrifically nice people at a post-workout brunch, staring at lemon and orange trees in her back yard. The swim was invigorating and the bike was rolling and sweet. It was definitely good to be back!
   
   
2. This week, the hunger returned. No, not some spooky horror film (though I often look like one after biking). My appetite has returned and I find myself hungry all the time. This is like saying to a young child, "You can eat all of the candy you want, any time, and I won't make you stop." Hooray!!
   
   
3. On Sunday, I logged on to my computer to check how my fundraising is going. My jaw dropped to find that I have already raised over $3,100 in two weeks time. Again, I am floored by people's generosity. Truly amazing! Thanks to all of you who have donated! Even though I've come this far, there's so much more work to be done to cure these cancers. So I hope that I can EXCEED my fundraising goal. Wouldn't that be amazing?!