Chronicles of my insanity

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Reflections from the Boot

Helloooo!!  I'm still here!

As some of you may know, my training has taken a turn.  A turn towards the sofa for the last 3.5 months.  I've been unable to train, and sadly, my goal of doing a 50K this year are on hold.

The Short Version
This is what happened:


The Longer Version (with pictures so you'll keep reading)

About 3.5 months ago I started having some pain in my right knee.  It was only painful while I ran, at first.  Then I couldn't finish my runs at all.  And then it hurt whenever I walked.  So I hauled myself in to a series of doctors and medical types, who ran innumerable test and tried all sorts of crazy stuff, none of which actually seemed to help, including:

  • Not running (boooooo!)
  • Cortisone shot (hey, turns out i'm severely allergic to cortisone!)
  • Ultrasound and electrical stimulation for 12 weeks (oomphf, insurances doesn't cover all of this!)
  • 2 MRIs (ugh.  so many battles with my insurance company)
  • Physical therapy for 10 week (Check out my one legged planks! Strong core!)
  • Dextrose and lidocaine injection into one of the bursas of my knee (super cool to watch the needle go into my knee under the ultrasound machine!)
  • New physical therapist (double oomphf!  he doesn't accept my insurance.)
  • Cupping (ouch! don't look at my freaky bruises!)
  • 200 reverse bridges a day (hey, look my core is still strong!)
Somewhere between the cortisone shot and the 200 bridges, my big toe started hurting.  I dismissed it as too much training.  All of my doctors dismissed it, too.  Finally, after complaining about it repeatedly, my PT told me to go to a podiatrist. 

So off I went to the Sports Medicine Clinic at St. Francis.  They treat the dancers at SF Ballet, so figured I'd get some good care.  (I was right.)  Two visits, an X-ray and an MRI later, I'm told my seismoid bones are fractured, broken into 3 pieces.  One of the pieces is worn down to a nub, indicating the fracture likely happened a while ago. 

These are your seismoid bones in your foot:

They are embedded in your tendons. You step on them every time you walk (or run) or do anything really involving your feet. You put about 50% of your body weight on them every time you take a step.  They are very tiny bones and very difficult to heal.  Since mine were broken into pieces, the little pieces are floating around in my tendons causing all sort of havoc.

The treatment: Resting, tapping, padding, custom orthotics and the dreaded boot.  I've been in it for 6.5 weeks now, and have at least 1.5 more weeks to go.  My last check up indicated that it was not healing as it should, so I now get to add to my list of treatments, the Bone Stimulator. It arrives next week, and is some sort of ultrasound-based device that is supposed to increase stimulation and support bone healing.  I guess it looks like this:


It has been a real drag hauling this ridiculous boot around.  I can't drive (since its on my right foot). I can walk, but do so very, very slowly.  I can exercise a little bit, but am fairly limited in what I can do.  Getting to the gym itself is a good chore.  I now get up 45 minutes early in the morning so I can get to work on time.  Good times!

So, what have I been doing since I can't run, walk, or drive, you ask?  Here's a sampling:

I've been tending to my orchid.  This is HUGE for me as I have a brown thumb.  Good old Orchy is thriving.


I went to San Antonio for a conference for work.  I saw the Alamo.  (It really has no basement.)   [Note:  Black foam boot + 107 degree temps = bad idea.]


I've been cooking and drinking a lot:

I went to Donner Lake while my team ran.  I sat at the beach and had my friends bring me beer:


2013 is clearly not turning out to be my year or running.  (I got into the NYC marathon, even.  But will have to defer.) I am, however, hopeful that I'll be back running, or at least walking at a normal pace, before the year is over.

So there you have it. 

By the way, for all of you who donated to my fundraising efforts this season -- Thank you!! The funds still go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and I will be able to train with them for another event when my body is ready.

Until next time . . .







Sunday, March 17, 2013

Self Perceptions Gone Awry

It has been a busy few months with training and work, so my entries are not as frequent as I would like.  But here's to a nice sunny Sunday of the sofa to catch up.

So trailing running is not quite what I had expected.  Or perhaps a better way to put it is that being a trail runner is not quite what I had expected. 

The trails, the routes, and landscape -- those are exactly what I expected.  Beautiful, breathtaking, steep, varied and inspiring.  There have been so many trails that I've never been on in my 13 year in the Bay area, so it has been an absolute treat to discover new gorgeous places in my home town.  I am, again, reminded of how lucky we are to live where we do.  

Yesterday, we ran from Rodeo Beach.  The fog was thick and hung heavily around the coast.  I have hiked around there a bit in the past, and mostly I've just been inspired by the views you have down to the Bay.  But yesterday, the whole world was shrouded in wet, misty fog.  The kind where fairies might come out to greet you. You couldn't enjoy the typical grand vistas,  so you had to enjoy what was closer in.  And at this time of year, it was bright, beautiful, dancing wildflowers!  Such a treat!

I also expected trailing running to be hard.  And so far, it has not disappointed.  Here's the profile of the half marathon race we did yesterday (my first trail race this season!)



When I did the Death Ride, our average ratio of climbing to mileage was 100 foot per mile.  That is a long, good, tough ride.  But here I am on my little size 8 feet, with no aid of a simple machine, running 2,300' over 13.1 miles.  See that spot at mile 12 that goes straight up on the profile?  Well, it does actually go straight up.  The photo perspective does not do this hill justice.   I am facing the wrong way on the trail for two reasons:  a)  So that photo would not be of my backside, and b) because walking up the hill backwards was the only way I could give my muscles some relief and get myself up the darn thing. Thanks to Eileen and Juliette for keeping me going!

Now being a trail runner is a different thing all together.  In my head, I would be running up the hills with strength.  My body would be tired and achy but as it had been when I was training for road running races.  My pants would get loose again as the always do when I train for these types of endurance events.   I would gain agility and grace as my core got stronger and I learned to run down hills.

Granted, in my head, I also become 5'10, leggy, and incredibly fast gazelle, which I realize is perhaps just a touch unrealistic.  But the rest of it, seemed like reasonable assumptions to make.  

The reality, however, seems to be like this:
  • I walk alot.  I knew that many trail runners will walk steep, long hills to save their legs, especially when doing the ultra distances.  But I seem to walk way more than I expected.  I'm sure as I get stronger, I will walk less.  But for now, it sometimes just feels like fast hiking and I'm a bit disillusioned.  Part of this is due to my knee injury and my healing process, and part of this is that it's just plain hard!
  • My body hurts in weird places.  The balls of my feet and my big toe ache alot.  One tiny spot under my right hip is killing me. I have weird chaffing from my knee brace.  I get all itchy just thinking about the possibility of having run through poison oak (of which there is a lot).
  • My metabolism has definitely kicked in, but my pants are not loose.  Building up a lot of muscle in my legs and glutes.  When doing the Death Ride, I mostly just got more muscle definition, but running seems to make me legs bigger (and stronger!)
  • I continue to be a klutz going down hills.  I am getting faster, but I feel like a toddler most days, unstable and likely to go down at any minute.  And when I do, I'm sure I will break out into tears.
But in reflecting back on my various endurance endeavors, I realize the disillusionment is just a mental phase of training.  Even though I know things will be heard, I sometimes have a difficult time coming to terms with this feeling -- the feeling that I'm in over my head or I'm just a generally sucky athlete.   This is the period where I remember why I always do these things with Team in Training.  Because it's not just about me, it's about helping the good folks at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society find a cure for cancers.

As a good reminder, one of our honored teammates mom sent me a video that Juan Carlos (now 13) and his mom made.  This kid is amazing, and I am hoping that our fundraising efforts will make his dreams of a cancer free world come true very soon.



Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the next phase of training -- one where I start to see good progress and begin to feel more confident about it all.  I'll keep you posted!


In the mean time, if you'd like to help support me in my cause and Juan Carlos's cause of finding a cure for blood cancers, please donate to my fundraising page.  I'm just about $600 shy of my goal of raising $3000!  Can you help?



With much love and gratitude, 
Melissa












Saturday, January 12, 2013

Climbing to the Top of the Hill

[Note: Written several weeks ago.]

Tomorrow is my birthday.

In what is likely evident to everyone else (including my subconscience), I am avoiding dealing with the fact that this is a "big birthday." I planned more or less nothing in terms of celebrations on my birthday proper.  In fairness, I was born on December 25th.  Jesus typically sucks the wind out of any celebrations about me on that day.  I try not to complain too much about it -- after all it has been 40 years -- but sometimes you just want to be a self-indulgent princess on your birthday and do whatever you want on YOUR day.  But just about everything I want to do is closed (spas, museums, theatre) or off limits (biking or running -- more on this later).

So to carry on with the storyline of "it's not a big deal," I decided I wanted to volunteer on my birthday, as volunteering does in fact give me great joy. And since food is so important to me, to all of us, to social justice, I wanted to volunteer at a soup kitchen.  So I set about to contact all of the organizations in San Francisco that would be serving others on Christmas Day.  11 of them to be exact.  And all of them thanked me for my offer, but said that all their volunteer slots were full.  And would like I like to support them later in 2013?

I am thrilled that they don't need volunteers and so glad there are other people who also want to help.  Really, I am (hello, subconscience!).  But hearing this news did three things:  1) Made me feel even more frustrated about my birthday;  2) Made me feel like a jerk for saying no, I don't want to sign up and help you in 2013;  3) Made we realize that I should stop being a self-indulgent princess and deal with the fact that I'm turning 40 and offer to help organizations that need help.
Out on the Piute Pass Trail.  Note the TNT hat!

A little attitude adjustment later,  I realized it's really not about my birthday.  It's about my birthday YEAR!   And I should make each day of count.  So tomorrow, while I will not be volunteering at a soup kitchen, I will be having a Jewish Christmas (Melissakkah) -- seeing a movie and then going to a Chinese restaurant.  And the following week, we will be going to Austin for a week to see some great friends and celebrate the new year.

And because volunteering is so very good for my soul and spirit, I will be continuing on with Team in Training.  I will be fundraising for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society in hopes of finding a cure for blood cancers and raising $3000.  And I will be pushing my own personal, physical, and emotional limits by training for the Tahoe Rim 50K Trail Run in July.

This is a big goal for me.  I'm not a strong runner.  I'm slow and haven't run in 3 months.  I'm currently recovering from a knee injury and am unclear how soon I can get back at the running.  But I'm not daunted by any of this.  In fact, I like the uphill challenge.  Moving forward, keeping my eye on personal goals, supporting a cause, being on trails every Saturday.  Doing this all with Chris, who will be coaching on our team. This all makes me extraordinarily happy.

As I start to look at this birthday directly in the eyes, I'll admit that it's a struggle to not take stock of my life and compare myself to others.  But in doing so, I realize that I have a lot to be happy about.  It's not about things I haven't done; nor it is about what I have done.   It's about how you go about living, growing, and changing.  Last week, I was thrilled to have breakfast with two of my great friends from college.  One of them commented on all of my recent endurance event activities.  Her husband kept saying, "You mean, Melissa?  From college?  Does triathlons, centuries, and marathons?"  Let's just say, eating nachos was a primary activity for me in college. . .

I realized that I have changed a great deal in some ways over the the last 20 year.  Don't get me wrong.  I still *love* nachos.  But I'm happy with who I am now and what I'm doing in my life.  It certainly isn't what I had envisioned for myself when I was 18 [which involved being a divorced, photojournalist, smoker, living in Paris -- I had a dark side back then clearly], but I am happy. And I think I will continue to be happy if I remember what brings me joy.

So on that note,  I couldn't really write a entry on this blog without asking for your help, could I?  Would you consider supporting me in my fundraising efforts?  Helping me with something that is really important to me and millions of people affected by blood cancers?  Come on.  It's my birthday.  Shouldn't I get what I want?  ;-)

Your donations are safe, secure and tax-deductible on the site below. Know that at least 75% of every dollar goes directly to support researchers, cancer patients, and their families and will make a difference in someone's life.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/thrmtrer13/mcheung

Here are some suggestions for donations, if you need some inspiration:
  • $40 - 1 dollar for every year of my big birthday
  • $50 - 1 dollar for every kilometer I will attempt to run at the race
  • $310 - 10 dollars for every miles I will attempt to run at the race (for those who want the miles conversion)
  • $75 - 1 dollar for every month I will be training on the trails
  • $100 - 100 dollars for every time I've run 26.2 miles or more
  • $250 - $10 for every plate of nachos I will likely eat during the training season
http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/thrmtrer13/mcheung

Onward, upward and over the hill!

Much love and peace in the new year.

Melissa


PS.  If your company does matching, please let me know. Happy to help with any paperwork!

PPS. I just read the tagline for the race I've signed up to do.  A glimpse of heaven . . .and a taste of hell.  Ooophf.