Breakthroughs

While I'm training, I've got plenty of time to think. Miles of riding and running, which leads to quality mind-wandering time. (Swimming, on the other hand, tends to go something like this: 1 lap, 2 laps, 3 laps . . . oh I'm hungry . . . 2 laps, 3 laps, 4 laps. . . how long is this workout. . . 3 laps. . . oh wait. . . 4 laps? 2 laps. Crap.)

Lately, I've found myself beating myself up during this time, thinking I am lame for being so tired and not wanting to go to the track, or a pathetic loser for being the last one again in my bike group, doing sprints at Level 5 (i.e. run as fast as you can) and being lapped by people left and right. And having a fantastic athlete of a boyfriend only gives me more guests to invite to my own personal pity party. And the kicker of all kickers, I beat myself up for beating myself up. This, of course, is not unusual behavior for me.

But this week I had a couple of breakthroughs thanks to longer and longer training runs and rides.

1) It's okay to have a pity party. And I always do when something is really challenging for me -- training, work, backpacking, whatever it is. I always get really down and want to give up and usually cry. What I realized on my run today is that I always find my way out with clarity in hand. And I am pretty sure that I am not able to get there with feeling awful about myself for a short while. So, it's okay that I'm trudging through some tough training weeks right now, mentally (and physically). I'd love to say I'll come of of this with the answers to life. But more than likely I'll just come out of it one day and not even realize it. So that's that.

2) Use your glutes. Not quite as deep a breakthrough as the self-conscious blah blah blah. But seriously, engaging my glutes while biking has made all the difference in the world. That's not to say I can break 5mph climbing hills, but at least I can get up the hills feeling stronger!

3) Find balance. After 5 weeks of Physical Therapy, I learned that my body is out of whack. Years of spraining my left ankle and never fully rehabing it back to full strength has caused my right side to over compensate. My right leg muscles are significantly stronger and overworked. There's a metaphor for life in here, I'm sure. But in the mean time, I am spending a lot of time icing my right butt cheek.